Door-to-door tutoring

Door-to-door knowledge (Ferguson & Katzman/Getty Images)
Knowledge. In your face. (Ferguson & Katzman/Getty Images)

In this economy, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

That’ll be $3, please.

You’re probably wondering why I’m suddenly so wealthy, despite reports that consumer confidence is stagnant and employment anemic at best. Well, it’s no secret. I simply decided to get aggressive.

I decided to throw myself into door-to-door tutoring.

At first, it was a bit discouraging. No one expects the knock at the door at 8:30 in the morning to come from a licensed teacher ready to impart knowledge whether the pupil is ready or not. Continue reading “Door-to-door tutoring”

Cologne, Grass, Doughnut

For his upcoming book, author Joseph Donovan has transcribed the final performance by the United States’ premiere improvisational troupe, The Foundlings. The performance, presented on August 5, 2012, starred Alexander Klasen and Delores Jeroue, the beloved “King and Queen of Improv.” This transcription will be published in Donovan’s history, Off the Cuff Genius: How The Foundlings Reinvented Comedy (Zenith Publishing, 2013).

All props referenced in the script are imaginary. As was the tradition of the troupe, this improvisation began with three words that had to be used in the performance. The words for this final performance were COLOGNE, GRASS, and DOUGHNUT.

(Curtain opens. A MAN and a WOMAN enter the stage.)

Continue reading “Cologne, Grass, Doughnut”

Tweets from the dogsitter

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (6h)

Dogsitting gig. Soooo bored. Weener dog and german shppperd. #dumbdogssuck

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (6h)

So psyched that @eddieroolz69 is comin over! He’s gotta be better company than Mutty and Bart. #realdumbnames

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (5h)

Shots, shots, shots! @eddieroolz69 and @scuzzyfarts are in da house! got dogz tied up in basement. :P

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (4h)

WTF??? Errrbody left me alone and took the booze. FAIL! #facepalm Gonna go jump in nabe’s pool.

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (4h)

k, time to feed the stupid pups. startin to sober up. not cool. Makes me feel like this:

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (3h)

wierd… cant find the dogs. more to come??? #hmmm

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (2h)

Guess who chewed their way out a back door? Wonder if @anthony_j and @deenajamison r comin home early? hope not!

Anthony Jamison @anthony_j (2h)

@Jenn_1995 Is everything alright?

Retweeted by Jennifer Martin

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (45m)

Found dogs. Not good! #shoveltime

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (27m)

All I have to say is: fb.mi/dU32jj

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (12m)

They’ll be pulling in any minute. @eddieroolz69 come pick me up nowwwwwwww. #busted #goingtoprison

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (2m)

@deenajamison”Jenn, I hope your tweets are just a joke?” Ya, no! #soscrewed

Jennifer Martin @Jenn_1995 (1m)

so when do i get paid? #fml #shouldagonetocolege

Found in Translation

As I reread the classic work Love in the Time of Cholera, by Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez, I am struck by its flowing lyricism and dynamic wordplay.

That said, I cannot help but think of the contribution made to the work by translator Edith Grossman. “Needy Edie,” as she’s known in our translator circle, is a master of taking the already beautiful Spanish language and making it even more beautifuller. Take, for example, the opening line of the novel: “It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.”

Nice, huh? Pure Edie. If you look at the original Spanish version, a literal translation reads thusly: “What stinks in here? Oh, it’s almonds.” Not exactly Shakespeare. Continue reading “Found in Translation”

Thanks for comin’ out tonight!

Thanks for Comin’ Out Tonight!

As a musician, performance feeds my soul like no religion could. It breathes life into the dark corners and allows the full flower of my expression to blossom without restraint.

The highlight of my performing career bloomed this past Friday night when I captured the imagination of an audience with my skills in ways that even I had never thought possible. Continue reading “Thanks for comin’ out tonight!”

From “A Life on the Road: The Authorized Memoirs of Allan P. Cheeks” by Allan P. Cheeks


A lot of people ask me what life was like all those years on the road. They ask it like I could fold my thoughts into a tidy bundle and lay that bundle out on the table and pick through it and say, “Hello? What’s this? A toothbrush?”

Blimey, if it were that easy! In fact, if there were such a bundle of thoughts about my life as road manager for some of England’s most notorious rock bands, it would be so sodden with unidentifiable filth that you’d set it aflame and wish never to speak of the experience again. Continue reading “From “A Life on the Road: The Authorized Memoirs of Allan P. Cheeks” by Allan P. Cheeks”