UnTappd: Year in Review 2014

  

Looking back, I can see that 2014 was a prolific year for drinking. Thanks to the Untappd app, I have a way of quantifying this. Over the years I’ve been known as someone who loves use the app as a way to create similes to describe what I’m drinking; sometimes it’s clever but usually it’s just confusing and bizarre.

Here, I present my UnTappd Year in Review!

“Like the shock when you realize the Dairy Queen is on fire.”
Stone Smoked Porter with Vanilla Bean (Jan 2.)

Here I was trying to get across the unexpected mixture of smoky and sweet; it was disconcerting, but lead to a fun review. I think Stone does almost everything well, especially their Sublimely Self-Righteous Black IPA, but this one was merely “good.” 3/5 stars

“Like a pineapple on fire humming down a playground slide.”
Two Roads Brewing Rye 95 (Feb. 21)

The fire comes from the boozy quality behind this beer, and I think the pineapple references the hop experience. As for “humming” down a “playground slide,” I can only imagine that I was thinking that perhaps this beer was immature and needed some more time to ferment. Still enjoyed it a lot. 4/5 stars

“Like a crisp chocolate chip cookie kilt lifted by a mocha breeze.”
Founder’s Brewing Company Dirty Bastard (Mar. 28)

This was a rather straight-forward description that played with the Scotch angle. Any time I can make a PG-13 reference, I’ll take it. I’m a malt-head so this one sang to me. 3/5 stars

“Like a smoldering tickle fairy creeping around a pine tree.”
Sebago Brewing Company Bonfire Rye (April 2)

This was a delightful beer that I’ve come to enjoy months later; it’s got that smoked malt in the background that combines with the rye bread flavor of which I’m fond. I did get a sense of pine from the hops, and where that fairy came from I have no idea. 3/5 stars

“Like a squirt in the eye from heaven’s welcome basket.”
Otter Creek Brewing Fresh Slice (May 14)

I remember getting very excited for summer on its way after this one. It really lived up to its name and I was indeed in a heavenly place while downing this one. I believe I was at Backstage, a beer bar in Torrington, and I think it might have been the time I met the brewer. My notes only show I gave it 3.5/5 stars.

“Like a whispered scream that lingers.”
Thomas Hooker Brewing Company Soft Spoken Biere de Table (June 5)

I remember having this one distinctly: It was at the Wadsworth Antheneum in Hartford, and I thought I was setting up a plan with someone there to lead beer tastings regularly. Sadly, that didn’t pan out. But the low-alcohol “table beer” was a pleasant enough way to welcome in the summer months. Looking back, I probably should have held out for something with more kick. 3/5 stars

“Like sinking into the devil’s snakepit and coming up dazed.”
Southport Brewing Company Mambo Bock (July 7)

This was when I was working on my book, “Connecticut Brewing,” full time. I was able to leave my day job behind and do some serious research, even if it meant traveling down to Southport, about an hour away. I had just finished up interviewing the brewer, Frank, who said he referred to this as his “devil beer.” For a lager, it packed a tremendous wallop; I ate a lot before getting in the car again, and I was fine. 4/5 stars

“Like a one-man mariachi band playing in a sound-proof room for no one.”
Corona Light (Aug. 6)

I had fun reviewing this one, and I’m pretty sure I thought long and hard about it. The circumstances must have been dire if this was what I was reduced to… I believe it was an out-of-state visit after I’d depleted my own stock. 1.5 stars/5

“Like a sailor’s viscous tears splashing tales of heavy weather.”
Cottrell Brewing Company Perry’s Revenge (Sept. 25)

My research tour took a trip all the way out east to Cottrell Brewing, which is one of Connecticut’s oldest. Perry’s Revenge, a Scotch ale, was named for a sailor whose wrecked ship the brewmaster actually discovered. I was proud of getting the word “viscous” in there, one of my favorites. 3.5/5 stars

“Like stepping into a locker room and expecting feet but getting flowers.”
Boulevard Brewing Saison-Brett (Oct. 18)

I was able to enjoy this Missouri beer thanks to someone I met at a beer tasting that I hosted. We had a fun time that night sampling pilsners and porters, and when it was all done, this guy pulls out this hard-to-find gem. Even though it came after a night of drinking, I enjoyed it greatly. I really did expect it to be nasty, but it turned out to be floral and refreshing. 4.5/5 stars

“Like the winner of an all-cow twerking contest showing off.”
Lakewood Brewing The Temptress (Nov. 21)

I got this one at a wonderful bottle share with new friends. They actually live off of a lake, but this beer came from their travels to Texas. The cow reference is based on the fact that this is a milk stout, and it was indeed showing off, especially after we’d been dazzled by about six other beers that evening. 3/5 stars

“Like a Guatemalan wrestling match in a pile of raisins.”
Brasserie Mennard (Dec. 25)

I’ll end on this note; it has no picture. It’s an English dark ale made by a friend that incorporated organic raisins that had been soaked in Guatemalan rum, which I hear is very smooth. It was a wonderful way to spend Christmas, drinking the fruits of another man’s labor. 4.5/5 stars

Here’s to more puzzling similes in 2015. Cheers!